Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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