oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
