Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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