So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize