Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
