well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
