i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
