dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize