So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
