I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
