marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Pooping to opera.
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