just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
