he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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