Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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