He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
