i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
