You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
