4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
