even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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