Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
