It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
