I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
