just tell him i said nine months
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Text me some of your sweat
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
