EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
