i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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