so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
