I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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