The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
