I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
