If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
