He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
