I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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