Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
