You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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