But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
