Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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