Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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