I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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