I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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