I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
either way he was missing a nipple.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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