I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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