Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
