today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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