As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
