if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
