no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
