I am in a vortex of obligation.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
