dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
