just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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