someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize