He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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