ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
