I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
