the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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