So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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