I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
