I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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