Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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