Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
