I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
