I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize