I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
