Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
