If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
