For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
