4 words: hood of his car
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
