Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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