What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
