he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Less talking, more tequila
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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