Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
