I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
