my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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