If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
