Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
