We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
