Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize