Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just pee around me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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