It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
last night I used snow as a chaser
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
