I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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