I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
